Calm, Doldrums, or Apathy?

Matt came up with a couple of the kids (they’re young adults, but kids are kids), and mowed the grass, cleared the garage/patio gutters, and chopped up the downed branched behind the lean to. I got the veggie beds cleared of weeds and topped with new raised bed garden soil, now the grass clippings are a layer of mulch. I even dug out the African daisies which had colonized the grass and moved them into containers. I don’t know if they’ll establish, but it was worth a try.

The yard water is off, so I need to open the valves. The main valve stays open all winter, then gets closed in April before the water comes back on. I am using the rain barrel water for now, and a bit of house water. I might do the spray on weed killer, but it is a bit late in the year. The roses need deadheading and their “trunks” wrapped in burlap. The yard ornaments, what few I set out, need to go back into the shed. The leaves have not really begin to drop, but they will. I have an appointment with the swamp cooler guys tomorrow. The rain barrels and raspberry canes and hoses will need doing, but not until a frost.

I even wrapped up the remains of the tiny Japanese maple with the tree tape. We shall see if it survives. I hope so. Larry’s gift means a lot to me.

Winterization was primarily Larry’s job. He loved our yard and made it into a warm and welcoming place. Everything was well tended , nicely done, and no chore was too big or too small. I am trying, but it is difficult both physically and emotionally. I do like working in the yard, but I can scarcely get an hour in before I am wiped out. If I pace myself, I can do two or three throughout the day. The next day is a bust though. Larry used to put in 12 hour shifts out there some weekends. If I had an idea, he’d carry it out beautifully, such as the beer bottles buried in the ground as edging.

I’m sad, but no longer anxious about the yard. My fears were everything in the yard would go to hell and I’d be forced out of the house as incompetent. It’s not entirely far fetched, but it isn’t as dire as I was imagining. I have settled down, I suppose. Tears still happen daily, although not choking sobs, more a misty feeling, and a good cry about every three or four days. A lot of moping and procrastinating. All perfectly normal, even if The Bitch would say I am wallowing. Grrrr. I do feel calmer, but is is just lackluster doldrums, stuck in limbo? Am I really improving, or is apathy taking over? I am not sure, but isn’t trying to get stuff done the opposite of apathy? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I’ll be alright. I don’t have to like it, though.

Laying the patio stones.
Setting the shed foundation.

One thought on “Calm, Doldrums, or Apathy?

  1. Yeah, I understand completely. My son commented that I’d stopped doing stuff! It took awhile to get moving again but I don’t move quite the same way I used to!


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