For some unknown reason, I feel incredibly down today. Winter Solstice, I mean to clean a bit, cook a bit, make neighbor gifts, and perhaps light a small fire outside. So far I cleaned in the bathroom, although I think some vacuuming and dusting is in order. Sweep out the old. Tomorrow is Trash Day, so empty every trash can in the house and set the bins out. I thawed chicken to cook for supper. I have assembled everything for the gifts, that will only take a few minutes. Wrap the two gifts which arrived today. Water the plants.
One of the bulbs in my bedroom light fixture is blinking, so I need to go downstairs and find the replacement. I think I have one. They’re an odd shorty CF. Not uncommon, but not something where I could toss in a different bulb for a bit. My tiny bedside lamp is insufficient for the task, so I have a drape open. Oh my, natural light. Fun times.
I did fold the laundry, I did wrap the other presents. Scooped the catboxes, but that’s daily. Finished a Kindle book, and read some more in the hardback I am working on. Watched some recorded shows. Installed the new smoke alarm/CO detector.
What I don’t understand is this horrible weepy feeling. My chest feels soupy again, but my oxygen is fine. I am not as exhausted or in as much achey pain as usual, I just feel that all is wrong with the world and I am the puzzle piece from another box. I just want to cry without a specific reason. Oh, I could think of many reasons, but nothing new. This will pass, of course, but it is unpleasant in the extreme.
Maybe I can see the Star tonight. That would be a bite of bliss.
MaggieMayhem 
A friend asked about the chances the Great Conjunction will bring something good, since all the recent ones have brought bad things. My reply: There is a ten-year cycle with a conjunction every twenty years and an opposition in between. I just don’t know if there could be something good come of this conjunction (hey, maybe the birth of a savior? jk). On a personal level, it isn’t looking good. Exactly three and a half years ago, on the summer solstice, Larry got his first diagnosis. Stage 4 colon cancer. Today we learned that he will be on chemo until he can’t stand it anymore, then hospice will be the next step. There is no chance for a cure. Even if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic, he isn’t up to doing the things he enjoys doing. I haven’t said anything to the kids; it isn’t my news to share. Well, except I needed to tell someone. I hope you don’t mind. I feel so helpless.
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I am so sorry. I understand the helpless part. All you can do is your best, although it will never seem like enough. Time drags on until suddenly it does not and there is never enough. You will join The Most Terrible Club. I could tell you now, I know you have been following me, but it is not for your ears and heart just yet. Love with all you have, and be gentle when you cannot. Do your best. Hugs.
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