Damn, Skippy

Three in the morning is early to be awake, but there I was, all sleep fled for the night. Alrighty then, coffee and donuts it is. I was full of plans for the day, fold the clean clothes, fold the towels. Bake a pie or maybe two. Work on the Loki I am painting. So close to finished, yeah. Patch my jeans. Watch the new Hawkeye. Maybe even take a walk.

I did not. Fiddled around online, fed the cats. Played phone games. Showered and dressed, went into the yard to find the one spinner which got away. I did give away the Vegas reservation, so that is done. Looked at bills, all caught up. But somehow, I did not want to get off the bed. I wasn’t IN bed, I had brought up the pet covers, I was dressed, I was ON the bed. Let’s Make a Deal came and went. Switched to the comfort of TVLand, MASH, Bonanza, Gunsmoke. Even made it to Andy Griffith. That’s a damn lot of sitting. When the mail came in, I got the very disappointed metal Trees of Life wall art. Poor packaging, bent, thin metal with a printed design, a pale copy of an actual piece. Hammered it flat, went out and hung it, Covered the little table between the chairs by the back door. There’s no snow forecast for a couple weeks, I didn’t really need to, but it’s done.

Looked at Doordash for dinner, but there’s no dashers and everything is pick up. Had a hot dog. I did wash the dishes because nothing says depression to me than a sink full of dirty dishes. Cleared the noodle board on top of the stove. Brought up the Karo syrup and set out the blue glass pie plates. I will get a pie done tomorrow. I could do two kinds, but … there is no one to help me eat them. No Thanksgiving invitations, and with Covid, I do not feel comfortable asking. Not a peep from family. My one neighbor who would invite me has moved away, she’s the one accused of domestic abuse.

I am trying to be philosophical and reasonable. My own fault for not reaching out? I think so, but it is hard when not one person asked. Even if I decline, I could at least be asked.

I am trying not to wallow, not to play the oh poor me pity party soundtrack. Not like I have not spent Turkey Day alone before, I have. Now that I think of it, not often. Larry and I would do an alternative day if he were on the road or on duty. So many wonderful Friendsgivings in the past. This Great Silence is hurtful. Paired with my existing poor mood, it’s a rough evening. Survivor and Tough as Nails on tonight, so there’s my scintillating plans. More TV. Whoot. Lean Cuisine tomorrow. And maybe pie.