MaggieMayhem

I think I do alright when it comes to the house. I cleared the hall, and Larry’s closet, and the bedroom floor. Oh, the workroom is a disaster, the family room and the truncated hall are stuffed with crap, and the guest room is no prize. Even the laundry room and pantry need a bit of thinning out. But overall, it’s alright. It has been worse. Larry really did have some of his mom’s hoarder instincts. I do, but in a different way. His was more in case something was useful, or could be of value, mine is things have memories attached, or they’re shiny and I am a magpie. His was someday, mine was days past. And the craft thing, that was us both.

I took stock of my habits. Things I am really reliable about: taking my meds, feeding the cat, scooping the cat boxes, taking out the trash. Brushing my teeth, daily shower, washing my hair, shaving. I do let the legs and my hair go a bit now and then. No wet towels anywhere but the towel rack or hamper. If I toss a towel down the stairs, it goes in the hamper the next time I descend. Same with dirty clothes. If I might wear something again, it is at the foot of the bed or on the door hooks. I am good about laundry, although things may stay in the dryer or basket for up to three days. Rarely more. I spread up the bed daily. There’s rarely trash like wrappers or tissues anywhere, and never on the floor unless I honestly drop something and don’t see it. Mail trash may hang around a while in a pile, but about once a month, it gets swept through. Dishes get done mostly daily, although I can slack on pans for a couple days. No dirty dishes left around, they’re in the sink or dishwasher. I try to clear the sink every day. That’s my zero tolerance level, dishes of food left out. Drives me nuts.

Fairly good about bills. Direct deposit/draw helps. I get my teeth cleaned and my mammogram and my flu shot. I always need new glasses.

Then there’s things I do, but not often enough. Sweeping the kitchen floor and wiping the counter. I get to it, but about once or twice a week. Should be more often. The end of the counter accumulates crap easily. Washing the bathroom rugs. Mopping the kitchen floor. The stovetop, the fridge doors. Vacuuming hurts my back so it’s a slacker thing too. Dusting. Yikes. I actually cannot see it sometimes. Watering the plants, I do alright, but miss sometimes. Tidying up the art table, there’s a losing battle. Keeping the family room clean is easy, I don’t use it much now. Changing the sheets falls in the middle of okay and should be more okay. Scrubbing the tub, toilet, and sinks. Not stellar performance there. Bending over the tub hurts my back a lot. Last time I had a helper, they used the toilet wand and the Clorox pads. That’s a nope. Mending can pile up, right up there with crafts.

My windows are a horror. I need new drapes. My walls need cleaning. Ha. Hahaha. There’s repair type chores, not sure where they fall. Nail up the laundry room ceiling. Fix the dryer vent. New water filter in the fridge. Fix the kitchen ceiling, I have the stuff. There’s always something to do and never the motivation to get it all done imminently.

It could be worse, much worse. The kid is alright.

While my backyard is not yet inundated with the falling horde, my front yard is pretty leafy. I do not have a tree out front, so it is all from the neighbors’ trees. Small and yellow for the most part. I have kept my walk and drive clear, but I cannot do much more than that. What it needs is mowed and the munched leaves tossed on the compost piles.

So this evening I take the trash bin to the street. My neighbor to the south has her yard guy taking up the leaves from her tree. Huh. There weren’t any leaves behind or under my truck this morning. Now there’s drifts. Damn. I like my neighbor, we get along. I don’t know who blew the leaves into my driveway, but the leaf blower was lying right there. I was annoyed. How rude.

I came in and got dressed, grabbed the battery, and the suck began. I got all the new leaves, up and down the edges of the drive, and a good portion of the gutter. I wore my ear protection, my padded gloves, but didn’t grab a mask. It’s middling cool out, very nice. I sucked and sucked, three bags worth. That’s the small bag on the leaf vac, the one with the zipper that sticks. I have repaired it once already. Geez. This is a light duty leaf vac, only good on hard surfaces, it doesn’t do anything on grass. Oh, a few light leaves on top, but nothing of note. Blowing the leaves is the same thing, not on grass. It will grab up twigs and pebbles, but spits them back out.

So that’s done. The lawn, not so much. I do have Larry’s Toro, it’s pretty high power, but it is corded, and over half as tall as I am. Pretty sure I can’t wrangle it. I know I can’t handle the mower. I surely cannot rake. I could spot rake, but it would take me until January to clear the front. The tendonitis is back, so my hand not only hurts, but will fail while grasping or lifting. that sucks so hard. I need to wear a mask when sucking leaves; my mouth was really dry and bitter after. I went to brush my teeth and started hacking up grey crap. Then blowing grey crud out of my nose. I had to use my saline rinse bottle. I am traumatized.

Oh yeah, snow in the forecast for Sunday. Fun, fun, fun.

I woke up in a good mood. Feels weird. Oh, I am still sad, and I still ache, but my basic mood was … good. Like the heavy steel wool shawl of grief has become a lighter cashmere pashima scarf. The many chores outside do not seem insurmountable. House stuff feels manageable. I know that I am one disaster away from plunging back into the depths, but I don’t feel weighed down and frantic. This is good. I miss Larry like crazy, I mourn the used to be and would have been, but this morning, I am in between and that’s okay.

The candy slide I built was a roaring success. Most kids figured it out right away, a few took some coaching, but everyone thought is was cool. I took one of the old plastic rain gutters and cleaned it up. I used the two metal wreath stands at the bottom of the porch, and wrapped a plastic chain at the top and hung it from the mailbox. Duct taped the whole thing together and wrapped it all in fairy lights. I made a square on the walk with reflective GID tape, and blocked off the steps with Zombie tape. The candy slid down perfectly each and every time. I had to set the bowl of toys at the bottom of the steps, little things didn’t slide at all. Warm night meant I could leave the door open, I could see and hear the kids on the block, so the whole doorbell being blocked was no problem.

I got to watch the full moon rise over the mountains. I got to see cute kids in costumes and adults in decorated masks. I gave out most of my candy. It was a decent evening.

Now I need to disassemble the slide and keep parts for next year. I like the slide. Unless it rains. I do wish I could get the net lights on the swamp cooler, and the big bin down, but hey, I did what I could and it was great.

If Larry were home, it would have been a perfect night for the firepit in the driveway, but hey, that was another life. This one may be imperfect, but I guess I am okay with it.

The freezing weather arrived. I think my new thorny cactus out front is not suited to the cold. I might bright it in, but it is a spiky boi.

Over the last week I have been working on the winterizing essentials. I unrolled the garden hoses all the way, so they were drained, then rolled them up tight on their holders. It can’t be much different than storing them in the lean-to. Of course, they are unhooked, and the faucets have their little insulated covers attached. I bought wheel covers for the hoses, but they’re too big. Maybe a cardboard disc inside?

I trimmed the roses a bit, but now I need to prune them back hard and get their trunks wrapped. Still far too much bind weed at their feet, we’ll see how I feel about more hand weeding. Maybe I will get more burlap down for the baby maple too.

The rainbarrels were easiest, I began with them, draining the water before the freeze. Let them dry, and I stored all the hoses for them in the big one. They are on the rack where the recycle barrels used to be, both wearing a grill cover. There’s a barrel of sticks and branches to the side, I put a tarp on it.

Now I need to cover the spinner waterer, as I cannot get it out of the ground. I have bubble envelopes over the standup faucets, but have not taped them.

The patio is tidier, I got some stuff into the garage, some into the lean-to. Sucked up leaves on the drive and patio, but I do that nearly daily. My tree has not really begin to drop, she’s always a tardy lady.

Still to do: the area directly under the kitchen windows, tarp up the lean-to properly, trim the raspberry canes, and clean up along the trailer and north side of the house. Tape the temporary downspouts. Cover the one garden chair. Trim everything else, like the hostas and backyard roses. There’s always something, but I am not nearly as down and depressed as I was last year. That’s good, yes?

Harrison Buttlicker passed away Wednesday during dental surgery. His heart just stopped. He was a wonderful kitty, loving, a loud purring fuzzit. Poor old guy had arthritis, and was limping around the house. He wouldn’t use the stairs up to the bed, so I stopped lifting him up with me, it hurt him when he jumped down. He pooped next to the box and not in it, now and then he’d go in random places on the floor. He went on the cat bed next to me once. He was diabetic, two shots a day, and if I traveled, he had to be boarded. He only liked soft food, so his teeth were bad. At 17, I knew there was a risk, but his teeth were so bad it was necessary. The vet assured me they would take every precaution, and I know they did, but he was too old. (Still freaking expensive).

He was a tiny starving kitten, all head and bones, when I got him. Desi and I were in PetCo, and two college girls came in with this scrap of cat. They had found him near Weber State, on Harrison Boulevard. Hence the Harry. I agreed to take him, and I still had bottles on hand, so I bought formula and added him to the family. He never went outside, hated going to the vet, and was definitely my cat. He got to be a big boy, over 18 pounds! Good old Harry, I will miss you, but am glad you are not hurting.

I will have a glass cat made with a bit of his cremains.

Matt came up with a couple of the kids (they’re young adults, but kids are kids), and mowed the grass, cleared the garage/patio gutters, and chopped up the downed branched behind the lean to. I got the veggie beds cleared of weeds and topped with new raised bed garden soil, now the grass clippings are a layer of mulch. I even dug out the African daisies which had colonized the grass and moved them into containers. I don’t know if they’ll establish, but it was worth a try.

The yard water is off, so I need to open the valves. The main valve stays open all winter, then gets closed in April before the water comes back on. I am using the rain barrel water for now, and a bit of house water. I might do the spray on weed killer, but it is a bit late in the year. The roses need deadheading and their “trunks” wrapped in burlap. The yard ornaments, what few I set out, need to go back into the shed. The leaves have not really begin to drop, but they will. I have an appointment with the swamp cooler guys tomorrow. The rain barrels and raspberry canes and hoses will need doing, but not until a frost.

I even wrapped up the remains of the tiny Japanese maple with the tree tape. We shall see if it survives. I hope so. Larry’s gift means a lot to me.

Winterization was primarily Larry’s job. He loved our yard and made it into a warm and welcoming place. Everything was well tended , nicely done, and no chore was too big or too small. I am trying, but it is difficult both physically and emotionally. I do like working in the yard, but I can scarcely get an hour in before I am wiped out. If I pace myself, I can do two or three throughout the day. The next day is a bust though. Larry used to put in 12 hour shifts out there some weekends. If I had an idea, he’d carry it out beautifully, such as the beer bottles buried in the ground as edging.

I’m sad, but no longer anxious about the yard. My fears were everything in the yard would go to hell and I’d be forced out of the house as incompetent. It’s not entirely far fetched, but it isn’t as dire as I was imagining. I have settled down, I suppose. Tears still happen daily, although not choking sobs, more a misty feeling, and a good cry about every three or four days. A lot of moping and procrastinating. All perfectly normal, even if The Bitch would say I am wallowing. Grrrr. I do feel calmer, but is is just lackluster doldrums, stuck in limbo? Am I really improving, or is apathy taking over? I am not sure, but isn’t trying to get stuff done the opposite of apathy? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

I’ll be alright. I don’t have to like it, though.

He would be 61. We would be on vacation somewhere, maybe Mexico or Hawaii, but the last bug trip was to Victoria B.C.. It was a marvelous adventure. Our autumn trips were always so great.

The first year, friends took me up to Crystal Hot Springs as a diversion, and for a burger and shake at Peach City in Brigham. A nice outing. The next year, Matt and I went to Kona to scatter ashes at sea. It was sad, but a solid trip making good memories. This year I originally has Vancouver booked for a solo trip. My biggest goal was a couple meals at Tim Hortons. COVID cancelled that, I couldn’t even get into Canada at this point. I am safer at home, I suppose.

No one has noticed. Maybe they don’t want to make me sad. That’s silly, I’m always sad, you can’t make me extra sad. I didn’t expect anything, but in reality, that stings. He’s being forgotten. Sure, I’m not the only widow, I am not the first nor the last, but that doesn’t diminish my personal experience. It sucks. There’s no way around that. It would suck less in a nice hotel room with good food and new to me TV, maybe a rental movie.

There’s yardwork to do, and house stuff, packages to assemble and label. I am still in bed watching Let’s Make A Deal. They’re all reruns, this week all the Breast Cancer Awareness episodes. I’m a survivor, but he is not. It’s a weird place mentally.

Maybe I’ll go out and throw cats at the neighbor kids. (Ask Reddit …)

… it’s the day we get ready for Sunday. That’s the song we learned in church when I was little. Only the girls sang it as far as I remember. Ha.

I have the front room nicely tidied, although it always needs more dusting and vacuuming. Behind the big desk it still messy, but that’s nothing new. I need to dust and rearrange the cover for the dollhouse. that will actually be a pleasant chore once I get to it. Getting to it though, ugh.

Today I got outside, finally. Rolled up the big hose and got it into the lean to. Got the bucket of small rocks over to the main water valve heads under the bushes and spread around, broke up some of the dirt on my scalloped flowerbed border. Tossed the broken bucket they were in. Weed whacked along the back beds, and even “mowed” with it a little. I wore my new padded gloves, took breaks and did hand stretches. That helped a lot. I filled a bin with leaves and twigs from the west bed, pulled some grass. It’s not perfect, but it is better. More raccoon poop than I like, so I sprayed the minty pest repellent. Hopefully it helps. The neighbor is working in his yard, fence posts are being dug, and that cheers me up. The sooner their fence is up, the happier I will be.

There is still so much to do. I need to get the hooks up on the garage for the Tibetan flags, clear the low garage gutters, get all those twigs and branches disposed of, do something with the ancient cardboard. There’s the roses, and the rain barrels. Unfortunately, my simple hour of work has given the tendonitis in my right hand, below my thumb, the signal for a flare up. I had to dig out the hand brace. Annoying, and so restrictive. I can’t do anymore yardwork today, no sewing or painting. I might be able to get the laundry folded. It’s clean, at least.

The washing machine is squeaking. The swamp cooler needs to be winterized, the lawn mowed. These are things I cannot do myself. I guess I make calls on Monday.

And like that, I have The Sad. Not unexpected, but it sucks. Time for a cup of tea and TV.

Nothing exciting going on, and that’s great. I got Yard Masters paid, so yay. My checking account is not so much yay. I spend too much too easily. Adagio teas, expensive Kauai coffee, Mrs. Cavanaugh’s chocolates, Undersong Art prints. A new noren, a Raven Lunatic mug.

I got the spring and summer silk flowers put away, all the way out to the shed put away! The autumn flowers are in place, and the skeletons, and the pretty porcelain vase and bowl from Japan. The concrete pumpkin is out front. The purple pumpkin bin is down out of the loft, and I can get to the big bin to get the windsocks and signs out. So, that’s progress.

My new doorbell is driving me crazy. Seems I have set the motion detector on the front bell. Ooops. In the evenings, the windsocks or car headlights set it off. I have to unplug it or I get a chime version of Memories from Cats as I am dozing off.

I have been picking at the yard for days now. Every day I do a little something, with emphasis often on the “little”. It is overwhelming with a yard the size of mine. Some days it is sweep the gutter, sometimes it is pluck all the giant mushrooms, but mostly it is pick up sticks. Sticks, twigs, leaves, branches, so much downed debris. I found a bag of small rocks to go near the main yard valve, and a paver. Now to get to work when the dog won’t come menace me.

The sprinkler guy was here this past Wednesday. He replaced four valves, a couple sprinkler heads, and the stand up faucet by the bushes. I dropped a penny in each one of the holes. It’s a thing. Apparently the last guy who screwed up my system installed used parts, and the entirely wrong type of valve. He was using leftovers and big box store stock, instead of proper fittings from a real landscaper supplier. Means I wasted over $500 last year on a crap job. Yardmasters did fine work, very professional. Now if I could only pay them. The worker expected a paper check, which isn’t happening. I haven’t gotten an invoice yet. I have sent an email, saying I very much would like to give them money. People like money.

Almost time to get the autumn silk flowers swapped, and the Halloween decor in place. A chore I don’t mind too much.